Gary Chapman invented the five love languages in America. We're applying them in Nigeria. And somewhere between Texas and Lagos, some things get beautifully lost in translation.
Here's what I mean.
🗣 Words of Affirmation
In America: "I love you. You're beautiful. I'm proud of you." In Nigeria: "But you know I love you now."
Most Nigerian men were raised in homes where praise was rare and "well done" was a wedding gift, not a daily offering. He's not cold. He's giving you what he was given. Teach him gently. The muscle grows.
🛠 Acts of Service
This is where it gets layered. In our culture, acts of service are often expected of wives — cooking, serving, cleaning — until they stop feeling like love and start feeling like duty.
Meanwhile, many husbands pour love into provision and protection, and wonder why it doesn't register.
The fix? Name the act. "I see what you did. Thank you." Recognition turns duty back into love.
🎁 Gifts
We're a gift-giving culture — but our gifts skew big and occasional (anniversary jewellery, surprise trips) rather than small and frequent.
The Western "flowers on a Tuesday" still feels foreign to most Nigerian men. But here's the secret: in our context, small unexpected gifts hit harder precisely because they're rare. A favourite snack. A new perfume oil. A book she mentioned three weeks ago. Unforgettable.
⏰ Quality Time
The hardest one. Nigerian life is loud. Extended family is close, children are present, NEPA (or PHCN) is unpredictable, work never stops.
Quality time that isn't planned is quality time that doesn't happen. Schedule it like a meeting. Defend it like a deadline.
🤍 Physical Touch
Most of us grew up in homes where parents rarely showed affection in front of the children. So we marry, and recreate the same silence.
Bring it back. A hand on his back as you pass. A real hug, not a side-pat. Holding hands in the car. Affection doesn't have to be loud, but it has to be present.
The Real Question
The five love languages are a starting point. But in a Nigerian marriage, the deeper question isn't "What's my love language?"
It's: "What did I inherit about love, and what am I willing to unlearn so I can love my spouse the way they actually need?"
That's the work. That's the whole thing.
Tell me 👇 — what's your love language, and does your husband or wife speak it… or are you still teaching him or her?
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